Posted by Sandra Clifton on Mar 23, 2012 in
Emotional Literacy,
Uncategorized I really like this article by Kimberly Hackett, who earned her Master’s degrees in Adolescent Psychology and Expressive Arts Therapy & Mental Health Counseling. Like myself, she writes about improving relationships at home through Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) and her suggestions with teens are especially poignant, so I wanted to share–
“SEL is the conscious building of interpersonal (awareness of other’s feelings) and intrapersonal (self-awareness) intelligences necessary for living an effective, engaged life. How can parents support their child’s social and emotional growth? Here are eight tips that support adolescent SEL at home and strengthen the changing parent/child relationship:
1. Active Listening – How a parent listens to an adolescent child can positively aid in the work of identity formation. Parents help their children explore the “who am I?” question of adolescence by listening without judgment or fear. Listening with an open heart helps adolescents make sense of their world and their changing selves as they begin the process of taking responsibility for who they are at that moment and who they want to be.
2. Self-Reflection – Where does self-reflection, the foundation of self-knowledge, fit into an adolescent’s busy schedule? Parents can promote this critical developmental need at home in creative ways – conversation around the dinner table or even watching a movie together. Self-reflection needs time to develop and practice to come naturally.
3. Model Authenticity – Adolescents are keen observers of human behavior, especially of their parent’s behavior. They constantly question truth and reality as they experiment with new ways of being. Parents support their child’s search for emotional courage and honesty by living it themselves – or at least by putting ones best effort forward. A good starting place for parents is to not pretend to have all the answers.
4. Promote Creativity – The adolescent work of creating an identity means stepping into the unknown. Like artists, adolescents enter an empty canvas and experiment with colors and materials as a way to accept or reject new ways of being. Creativity gives adolescents freedom to experiment and create themselves in safe and constructive ways. This can be achieved through art, writing, dance, sports, clothing, theatre and music. Parents validate their child’s creative endeavors when expressing their own curiosity with real questions and interest.
5. Celebrate Mistakes – Mistakes mean your child is taking risks and ultimately learning from their experiences. Mistakes are an essential part of growing. Physicist David Bohm writes: ‘From early childhood, one is taught to maintain the image of “self” or “ego” as essentially perfect. Each mistake seems to reveal that one is an inferior sort of being, who will therefore, in some way, not be fully accepted by others.’ This is unfortunate because ‘all learning is trying something and seeing what happens.’
6. Parallel Process – Parallel process is learning and growing alongside your child. With each moment of your child’s growth, parents are reminded of their own experiences at that age. Simultaneously, perspective is necessary for parents even when they feel there is none. Adolescence joins parent and child in the human journey of self-discovery.
7. The Struggle is Important – Parents often want to pick their child up after they fall down. It is important to recognize that resilience is linked to learned self-reliance. Adolescents need to learn and accept difficulty as part of life and living. They learn what they are made of when they go through something on their own. Parents need to support the important work of struggle as a developmental imperative.
8. Integrating The Dark Side – It can be frightening to witness a once sunny, ‘problem-free’ child transform overnight into a gloomy, irritable adolescent. Some parents find the emerging darker side (self-doubt, anger, fear, self-consciousness) difficult to accept and send the message that the harder stuff of growing up is not accepted. Parents need to integrate the highs and lows, the good and the bad, to support balance and self-acceptance.
Ultimately, adolescents who are exposed to authentic SEL experiences and practices at home and in school are better equipped to live lives of self-acceptance, discovery and personal responsibility.”
She lives in Cambridge, MA. Hackett.kimberly@gmail.com
Posted by Sandra Clifton on Feb 25, 2012 in
Emotional Literacy Just yesterday, I was subbing again at my favorite school in Brooklyn Heights, and of course the teenagers in my classes heard some infamous phrases like, “We don’t say that in here–” and “Let’s practice Clifton Kindness!” As a former English and speech teacher, I constantly taught the power of language—on a variety of levels…And there are two important channels of communication that are extremely strong: what we say to others and what we say to ourselves.
Kids need modeling to hear how to communicate effectively and positively with both others and themselves. I overheard one of my students yesterday say, “I’m SO stupid!” and immediately interrupted this hurtful tirade with, “I’d like to hear you say, ‘Gosh, I’m investing my best today, because I’m a work-in-progress!’ Your inner critic needs to be disciplined!” She looked right into my eyes, smiled and said, “Miss Clifton, you are so right!” I love it when that happens. 
Amy Spencer, author of Bright Side Up: 100 Ways to Be Happier Right Now, offers some wonderful video-support for this effort called “Why Are My Kids So Negative?” and the culture of ‘communication kindness’ that can be created in families.
Enjoy the link, and let me know how it goes as you grow a language of love with the kids in your life–! If you’d like some help to nurture better self-talk in your home, please contact me about a new program, “The Happiness Circle: Social & Emotional Support for Middle School Girls!” It starts Monday, March 5th at the Clifton Corner, and we’d love for your daughter to join us!
I’m a little behind posting the last Cornerstone of the year from December, but as Valentine’s Day approaches, I want to share it here as a Love Note to My Students…Every February in Lawson, Missouri, I taught Romeo & Juliet, and always ended the unit by asking, “What would have happened in this story if Romeo had waited JUST ONE MINUTE?”
Your story is just beginning….
Stand…and Swing–!
This is the latest edition of the Cornerstone I’ve ever written, but in the midst of trying to compose my column in the “11th Hour,” I’ve realized that it’s actually quite timely, as that’s exactly what I want to talk about as we end 2011…Because of all the events that occurred this past year—midst earthquakes and Irene and economic struggles—there is a story of “
The Little Team That Could–At the Very Last Minute“…..I know it must seem strange in the depths of winter to be talking about baseball, but this past fall,
the St. Louis Cardinals offered one of the strongest examples of fortitude and faith I’ve ever seen….My dad grew up in a tiny town in Missouri called Crystal City, and I’ve been a Cards fan by default since I was a little girl. Whether we lived in Ohio or North Carolina, Indiana or Upstate New York, my dad would turn on the radio in our station wagon and the scratchy static of the announcer would reach us with the crack of a bat hitting a ball in some stadium far away. My dad would tilt his head and ask: “Do you know what that sound is?” I’d dutifully answer, “Yes, Dad.” And he’d chant, “That’s the sound of the St. Louis Cardinals—the greatest team in baseball.”I’d smile and agree—it was better than losing my ride!But last summer, my dad was down n’ out about our home team. We met at Ocean Isle, NC, for a week at the beach, and each morning when I got up, Dad would make coffee while I checked scores on my Blackberry. I guess some people follow stocks—but my dad’s lifetime investment is this team, and I learned that we were “behind” by twelve games….a deadly deficit.
Any hope of making the playoffs was just a forgotten dream. But this is right where I wanted our team. All week I’d chant to my dad, “This is actually great! We don’t want the Cards to peak in August—we want them to hit their zenith in October!” He’d look at me like I was a girl who didn’t understand the intricacy of sports.And I don’t, really….but somehow, the St. Louis Cardinals did come back. Not with a roar, exactly (although Albert Pujols is a force of nature—) but with a steady focus on each next swing…I won’t detail the string of stats along the way, but what I will say is that
no one—not even my dedicated dad—quite believed the St. Louis Cardinals could win the World Series after such a losing season. Yet each game was like an answered prayer as the Cardinals somehow squeaked by to stay standing in September. And then they serendipitously ended up in the playoffs….and miraculously kept swinging into Game 6 of the World Series.If you follow baseball at all, you will know that something happened on October 28th, 2011, that will be remembered in sports forever. At the bottom of the 9th with two outs, David Freese hit a triple to tie the game—! But then we faced another inevitable ending: in the 11th inning with two strikes, we were down again to our last out. Despite all their effort, in one more instant, the Texas Rangers would celebrate victory.
But a baseball player from Missouri stood at bat in the dark night and believed that what he did next could still count. Somehow, #23 erased every error from his mind and cleared his heart for the only thing he had left: one final swing.
And guess what? You know when people say, “You only need one.” It could be a college acceptance. It could be a job interview. It could be a partner. It could be a publisher. It could be a chance. Well, David Freese knew deep in his bones that he only really needed one. And it was a homerun.
A swing that changed history.
The next day, Dave Sheinin wrote, “You cannot kill the St. Louis Cardinals. If they are down to their last game, they will win it. If they are down to their last out, they will redeem it. If they are down to their last strike, you’d better paint the corner and pray.”
Why is this story important for us today? Because it just might be the 11th hour in your 11th inning. You might be down to your last out. Perhaps the “opposing team” is already chilling the champagne. The reporters could be ready to put the story to print, with your losing score on the board. Maybe even your biggest fan has left the stadium or turned off the TV. It’s just you at bat. With more one out.
But I challenge you to believe. It only takes one player, one chance, one swing….to change everything.
Like life, the 2011World Series wasn’t about a perfect season. The Cardinals lost—they lost a lot. They faced errors and injuries. They encountered critics and conflicts. But in the end, what this team did together was to stay standing when all the chips were down and claim, “This one is mine. I still see possibility. I will face the darkness. And I will swing—with everything.”
As we end a year of ups and downs, of sudden victories and deep disappointments—I challenge you to remember this story about baseball and belief….to renew your vision, to claim your potential, and to never ever give up.
Because You are The One: the Only One like you ever created. And I believe that you will win—if you just keep swinging.
On Wednesday evening, I shifted gears from a monthly conference call of “The Academic Edge: Inspiring Athletes to WIN in the Classroom!” Instead of expecting kids to attend more “classes” after a long day of school, I am now offering a free monthly seminar called “Clifton Coaching: Sharing the Tools of Social & Emotional Intelligence” for parents, educators and other interested professionals. This month’s theme is COMMUNICATION, such an important tool for daily happiness. To add important texture to this topic, I interviewed Rev. Thomas Clifton, my one and only father—a minister, former seminary president, and master facilitator. My dad has served in country churches, for university congregations, and in urban communities; he has worked with youth and the aged; and he’s currently “on call” for sudden emergencies that may occur in the life of a religious organization.
One of the facets of our conversation this past Wednesday night was that we all have different “preferences” of communication that connect with our personality strengths. This angle of our discussion reminded me of the Myers-Briggs assessment, a terrific tool that I use at the Clifton Corner in the form of the MMTIC, which is specialized for 2nd-12th graders. It identifies students’ learning profile and social style, and provides effective suggestions for studying, focusing, and communicating with teachers/parents. It’s a wonderful way to promote social growth and self-awareness.
Dr. Clifton (aka, my dad) shared a tool for understanding different styles of communicating called “The Herrmann Brain Dominance Model,” which looks like this:
Dad and I tend to land in Quadrant “C,” but I also have some very dominant tendencies in “D” as well….and it’s my personal theory that we each have at least one trait in each of the four quadrants. For example, I’m a Problem Solver with students and tend to be an Analyzer—especially when I’m teaching critical thinking skills—and these tendencies are in Quadrant A. In addition, I have to be a Planner, Organizational, and Administrative in my role as a small-business owner: communication styles in Quadrant B. However, my favorite ways to teach are through singing, imaginative lyrics, and some fun dance moves too. You can see why I love GLEE and how I didn’t fit as an educator in a traditional school!
It’s so interesting that my dad highlighted this one tool during our conversation together, because of course it connects with Social and Emotional Intelligence and Daniel Pink’s idea of whole-brain learning! To see the awesome resources that have developed from this tool, you can visit the Herrmann website and discover all kinds of ways to understand this innovative approach to communication, learning, and both professional/personal success. Think this is a bunch of feel-good, warm-fuzzy hooey? Take a look at some of Hermann International’s clients:
| American Express |
HBO |
Rogers Communications |
| Bank of America |
IBM |
St. John’s University |
| BB&T |
Johnson & Johnson |
Schering-Plough |
| Blue Cross Blue Shield |
JP Morgan Chase |
Shell Oil |
| BMW |
Kaiser Permanente |
Target |
| Boeing |
Limited Brands |
Telus Mobility |
| Chevron |
Microsoft |
The Clarion Group |
| Cintas |
Milliken & Company |
Tommy Hilfiger |
| Cisco |
MTV Networks |
3M |
| Coca-Cola |
National Semiconductor |
University of Pretoria, S. Africa |
| Columbia Business School |
Nortel Networks |
US Navy |
| Disney University |
North Carolina Courts |
Vanderbilt University |
| DuPont |
Novartis |
Victoria’s Secret |
| Guardian Life |
Petters Worldwide Group |
Weyerhaeuser Corporation |
| GE |
Perdue Pharma |
Wharton School of Business |
| Global Lead |
Procter and Gamble |
Xerox |
| Harris Corporation |
|
I’m excited to explore opportunities to incorporate this important tool of communication in sessions with my students and their families. In the meantime, if you’d like to hear the Corner Conversation with my dad and me this week, look for it to be posted soon in Seminars, under “Clifton Coaching Calls,” on my website (www.cliftoncorner.com).
A recent study published in Scientific American Mind reports that, “On average, people get a grade of F when it comes to managing the inevitable stress they face in their lives.” Harvard researcher Robert Epstein surveyed over 3,000 people (10-86 yrs) and discovered that the average score on basic stress management was 55.3%. Obviously, being able to balance conflicting demands in our lives is a survival skill that deserves attention from middle school through adulthood, and the ability to manage stress is a key component of social and emotional intelligence.
Despite increasing attention on Social & Emotional Learning, only 17% of us actually receive official training for dealing with the constant sources of stress in our ever-changing lives. However, there is hope! Epstein explains that there are four main ways to improve our “stress score” each day:
1) Relaxation: yoga, meditation, breathing, prayer
2) Source-of-stress management: reducing sources of chaos & conflict
3) Thought Management: re-framing events with new thoughts—therapy & coaching
4) Prevention: planning ahead with supportive systems of organization
Epstein was surprised to discover that of the strategies listed above, the most effective approach is prevention. “Taking a deep breath or counting to 10 when you are stressed is all well and good, but you will be much happier in the long run if you can find ways to avoid the situations that make you feel stressed in the first place.” As an educational consultant, one of the first steps in my sessions with students is to sit at the table together and assess the various demands in their complicated schedules each week. Then we prioritize activities and assignments to make a plan for how to best address each project, paper, and presentation. One of my clients last night asked, “I came here to send an email ?” but that one note to a teacher was the result of over twenty minutes review of his very full week midst basketball try-outs, a chemistry report, two exams, and a band performance at the NYC Marathon to recognize that scheduling an appointment after school with his math teacher before a big test might have been the best move my client could have made…
Would you like to learn more and find out your own score? Visit the online test at http://MyStressManagementSkills.com and see what you think. You might even take this assessment with the whole family. While it might feel daunting to have a low score on stress management, reaching out for help takes courage and is a key move in the right direction. Brene Brown, PhD, writes that “Believing that we truly do have the ability to create change in our lives may seem difficult, or even impossible, at first, but it is one of the most empowering steps along the path to developing resilience.” While stress is not something we can always control, building an inner core of confidence to face life’s adversities is one of the core competencies we build every day at the Clifton Corner!
On this rainy morning in autumn, I attended the Speyer Legacy School Breakfast, on 15 West 86th Street, in Manhattan—right off the B/C train, near Central Park and the American Museum of Natural History. Right from the start, I was warmed by the friendly smiles of the host parents in the “makeshift gym” and encouraged by the introductory remarks provided by Richard Barter, former Head of Collegiate. Interestingly enough, when I researched this Speyer Trustee, I discovered an article about my former employer, Prep for Prep—a program for gifted minority students…and wasn’t surprised, as the theme of this day was one of interconnectedness. Speyer Legacy is currently the only independent school in New York City serving “advanced learners” and its doors opened in 2009 to rave reviews.
Mr. Barter immediately caught my attention with his reference to Thomas Friedman, who I’d heard on NPR live from Boston last week. I was very impressed with Freidman’s perspective on global education, and one of my favorite quotes from the program “On Point” was, “It’s never been harder to find a job…It’s never been easier to INVENT a career” along with, “Ninety percent of jobs are not outsourced to China—they are outsourced to the past.” This morning, Mr. Barter talked about creating a curriculum for gifted learners and piqued my interest with the fact that 50% of Speyer Legacy “scholars” receive some kind of tuition assistance. Indeed, this and other references to our country’s destiny and a sense of democracy permeated the discussion.
There are some wonderful words that surfaced from speakers today: creating, collaborating, conversing, committed, passion, and magic. One parent, Mica Vanterpool, explained that at Speyer, the school “celebrates intellect and integrity” and about that time I realized the name of the school is pronounced like (in)spire. In fact, the June 2011 newsletter, “The Legacy,” highlighted an “IN-SPEYERED EVENING,” a nice play on words.
What I learned from the initial overview from Head of School, Connie Williams-Coulianos (as documented by the U.S. Dept of Ed in 1993 in the report, National Excellence: A Case for Developing America’s Talent) is that only two pennies out of each $100 are spent on elementary and secondary education for gifted and talented children in America. As a result, intellectually gifted students can “experience underachievement, perfectionism, procrastination, and stress. Certain types of depression may be more common among gifted learners, and these children may even face a higher risk of suicide” (as reported by Daniel Brewer, Chief Advancement Officer: dbrewer@speyerlegacyschool.org). Speyer Legacy is a direct response to this gap in our attention on “advanced learners” and seeks to provide:
*specifically-trained teachers who embody lifelong scholarship
*a challenging curriculum, regardless of age, in accelerated/enriched learning
*reflective, analytical skills with social/emotional development
*a global view of interdependence and participation with a “sister school’ in Kenya, Africa
*student “voice” in curriculum decisions and directions
I was impressed to see these ideals embodied in the actual classroom activities—one teacher discussed with students how the leaves they created were made with “the same materials” but that each is actually unique and different; another instructor led a thoughtful class meeting about a recent situation of bullying. I noticed a “Class Contract” on one of the walls (a practice we taught when I was a Program Coach for Emotional Literacy with Yale University) and heard another student echo, “I’m A Work-in-Progress!” several times, almost like a mantra. I also caught a glimpse of one of my favorite books (which I taught to 6th graders at the Professional Children’s School), Walk Two Moons, by Sharon Creech, and was touched by the unique artistic angles of self-portraits displayed above a 4th grade chalkboard.
I have to compliment The Speyer Legacy School for the outreach, enthusiasm, and professionalism modeled today, on this grey morning in October. A prestigious school on the Upper East Side (which will not be named at this time) would not even let me in the front door to visit with an admissions person or introduce myself—an experience I will never forget. Speyer Legacy is fueled by the vision to change the world we live in through inspiring and supporting gifted learners—and these educational visionaries believe it is advanced learners who will become our future leaders. Perhaps my one concern I felt about Speyer Legacy is the definition of a “gifted” kid. At my learning center, I express that part of my mission is educating students (and others) that, because the brain is built with multiple angles of intelligence, each of us is gifted. Upon reading every word of their materials, I could not uncover more information about how “advanced learners” are identified. Ms. Williams-Coulianos, in an interview with New York Family, explained that “We view the results of standardized tests as only one source of information to be considered in conjunction with information from other sources” but those are not yet clear to me. As an educator who is fairly anti-IQ assessments and instead promotes SEDL (Social and Emotional Developmental Learning) and supports the Highly Sensitive Student, I applaud the effort of Speyer to “require thoughtful attention to…social/emotion development because of heightened sensitivity and vulnerability in settings where their usual cognitive profiles are misunderstood.” Certainly, there are perhaps no words more important on an educational document than Speyer’s acknowledgement that “The life of the mind is inextricably connected with the life of the heart.”
In full-circle serendipity, I felt a jolt when returning to Brooklyn on the C-train while reading an article in the Education section of The New York Times called “School for the Gifted, and Only the Gifted.” In it, I discovered that one of the “high-powered mothers” who helped to launch this very school (along with educational philanthropist, Dr. Kelly Posner Gerstenhaber—) is Malena Belafonte, daughter-in-law of the singer Harry Belafonte…As I got ready for this breakfast this morning, I listened to an interview on NPR about this star, who—instead of attending class—was a janitor, mopping floors like Charlie Chaplin. Like 20% of gifted students across the nation, this young man was a Harlem high school dropout who found his way to the stage through a free ticket—and was moved by the special silence he heard in the audience. Ironically, I’m just not sure that this Civil Rights activist or vocal artist would be identified as an “advanced learner” by an organization like Prep for Prep or a school like Speyer Legacy. We can only hope that the vision that I glimpsed today is just the beginning of a whole new way of educating—and learning…for all.
The “WE” Project
I want to tell you an unlikely story…about a young man from a little town called Derry, in Northern Ireland. He loves singers like Frank Sinatra, Elvis, and Dean Martin–already you can probably tell that this is an ‘old soul’ who thinks outside the box…
Damian McGinty was one of 40,000 candidates chosen for a program called “The Glee Project,” with a chance to guest star on the hit TV series, GLEE. Out of thousands of talented performers, Damian was selected as one of twelve contestants to compete for a seat in Mr. Schuster’s choir of renegade musicians and high school misfits.Although each kid was special, everyone involved in “The Glee Project” fell in love with Damian–he was sweet, he was a team player, and he had a lovely sense of humor.
But no one really saw him as a contender. In over a third of the show’s episodes, this underdog from Ireland had to perform a “last chance” song as one of “the bottom three contestants,” which always meant that
one of them would be sent home. By the seventh week, Damian was even put on the cutting block, as the judges decided that he was “
NOT Called Back.” However, his best friend, Cameron, decided to back out instead, handing Damian a second chance, and saving him for another week.But most individuals believed that it was “just a matter of time” for Damian–nobody really looked at him as “a big dog.” He was the sweetheart who sang “Lean On Me” in his audition tape–a faithful friend and dependable confidant. You didn’t find Damian discussing drama on the set–his focus was staying on stage….and believing in his dream. So you know where I’m headed, right? Don’t get me wrong: this guy didn’t just “hang out” or “hang on,”
he fought hard–but with compassion and kindness and a focus on the talent in his heart. “I just want to sing and perform everyday, week in, week out–” was Damian’s theme song.Yet it was a joke on the set that Damian had weird eyebrows and abundant nose hair; a strange, sometimes unintelligible accent (complete with subtitles provided by the producers); and little to no coordination. Many times the camera would catch Damian turning in the wrong direction during dance rehearsal, causing the choreographer, Zach Woodlee, to shake his head in utter frustration. Nikki Anders, voice coach and mentor to the contestants, basically said these words to the struggling performer, “You
can’t dance, you’re
not really a great actor–and you
don’thave the best voice in the group.”
But guess who was in the Final Four?
Darling Damian.
WHY? HOW?! Each week of the series was focused on a homework assignment with a theme–individuality, believability, theatricality, tenacity…We tend to assume that the individuals best suited for the stage are the ones with the most talent. But Damian McGinty demonstrated something that shines beyond these “winning traits” with a quality called resiliency. Resiliency is a component of Social and Emotional Intelligence that’s defined as “The ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune; buoyancy,” and it’s a core component of lifelong success. The producer of “The Glee Project,” Ryan Murphy, even admitted to Damian that he had been the “whipping boy” in the show. But Damian emulated this quality of resiliency by taking in criticism, growing from it, and bouncing back–getting better and brighter every single week. Midst this journey, Damian sang the Sammy Davis classic, “Gotta Be Me.” Despite all the pitfalls, Damian found a way to stay, and say:
“Whether I’m right or whether I’m wrong–
Whether I find a place in this world or never belong…
I gotta be me, I’ve gotta be me!”
Talk about resiliency. After everyone else had been eliminated and the final two contestants stood side-by-side on the stage last Sunday evening, it was
Samuel Larsen and Damian McGinty who were the last ones left…a superstar–and an underdog. As everyone held their breath, the Winner of the Glee Project was announced: Samuel. Damian immediately applauded, obviously broken-hearted for himself, yet authentically happy for his friend, saying, “I’m delighted for Samuel, obviously–it’s hard getting so close…but he deserves it.”Talk about class. But just when we thought that Damian was out of the game, the producer made a second announcement…stating that Damian was special–
so special that he too had won a spotlight on the show: seven episodes written just for this underdog with an accent from Ireland. Perhaps the critics are right: Damian can’t dance, he’s not a natural actor, and he doesn’t have the best voice of anyone else on the show. But guess what?
That’s what made him just right. It was his imperfections that actually caused everyone to fall in love with him–and it’s his resiliency that wouldn’t let his heart give up hope. Needless to say, I can’t wait to celebrate Damian’s dream-come-true on the season premiere of GLEE this fall!Now with the start of school, it’s your show. What’s your dream? Need some strength to shine? I’m here to help discover Your Inner Hero. Let’s find your spotlight. Join me at the Corner this year, and we’ll create a unique adventure for all Corner Contestants–I’m calling it “
The WE Project.”
Those with huge imperfections and big hearts are especially invited. Because I know that there is a special stage in life waiting. Just for You.
“It’s not that I’m so smart,
it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”
~Albert Einstein
Posted by Sandra Clifton on Aug 20, 2011 in
Emotional Literacy,
Summer I want to share an example of Emotional Literacy–through poetry….This piece is by my client, Jane Schechter, who is a rising 8th grader this fall. We’re working on a portfolio that is exploring her many gifts, which I’ve called “The We Project.” This poem helped Jane explore feelings from the past year, so that she can embrace a new tomorrow. My assignment was to write a poem with the title, “The Darkest Day.”
I’m just a broken record
Playing from my heart
The song that skips and stutters
Till it’s back up at the start
Take the key with caution
For seek and you shall find
The shattered tattered pieces
Of a life I left behind
Open up my storybook
And hide your head in shame
From the twisted secrets of
The one who lost this game
I’m just a shattered mirror
Never made to last
But pick my broken pieces up
The phantoms of the past
I do not say I’m sorry
I will not count my sins
For when the list goes on and on
Where do I begin?
And who am I if I am not
A stranger with my name
Another heart among the crowd
Another face to blame
I am just an empty mask
A pretty little lie
The truth that’s taken to the grave
Locked up till you die.
I’ve decided to add my monthly “Clifton Comments” from the Cornerstone newsletter. Here are my thoughts for July 2011:
Together.
This past month, we reveled in the success of the US Women’s Soccer Team in Germany, and cheered for the USA each step of the way…. some of us stunned and many excited as the momentum led to the final moments of the championship match. Last Sunday, I talked to an old college buddy about how thrilling it was
just to be in the game, and she responded, “Yeah, but we
have to
WIN!” Instead, each of us watched as Japan kicked that final goal into the net and claimed the World Soccer Cup. I have to admit that–despite my pride in Team USA–it was heartening to see the country so ravaged by a recent tsunami come together and heal their nation with this hard-won victory.
While it’s never easy to “lose,” acknowledging someone else’s excellence is a sign of emotional intelligence–and an important life skill. While teaching a film analysis class this summer, we went to the QUAD Theater in the Village to see a little picture called WIN-WIN, which I highly recommend. Afterwards, I taught the class how to analyze a movie through deconstructing its title. As we explored the theme/s of winning, I remembered a little speech from the movie White Men Can’t Jump that went something like this: “Sometimes when you win, you really lose. And sometimes when you lose, you really win. And sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie and sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Winning or losing is all one organic globule, from which one extracts what one needs.”
My meaning? It’s yours to make….both with the women’s soccer game and your own battles in life. Because–as expressed in the book I’m reading this summer called Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, “The real cycle you’re working on is a cycle called yourself,” and the cycle of that game never ends. We’re constantly in a state of repair on the journey–this time, Japan may have “won,” but the game starts again when we hit the Olypmics. Perhaps our American team will be even more hungry then for a win–and maybe the ‘prize’ of a gold medal will mean even more than the World Cup trophy. Who knows?
One thing for sure is–you really can’t win them all. But one thing I do believe is that it’s not all about the final score. Both soccer teams brought their countries together by renewing our morale and boosting our pride–even busy celebrities like Tom Hanks found time to tweet admiration for our athletes….And for one Sunday afternoon, we stopped the usual routine, raising our vision to a common goal. Abby Wambach reflected on that fact after beating France, saying, “It’s not about one save or one goal–it’s about how you can do it all Together.” Study the success of any team and that’s what you’ll find: a devotion to getting the job done (not necessarily won–) through facing the odds as a unified force.
Another game came to an end this summer with the finale of my beloved series, Friday Night Lights. And yes, the down-n’-out Texas teams of Coach Eric Taylor ultimately did a lot of winning along the way. But when the players of his football team talked about their coach, they didn’t discuss the final score on the field when they walked away–what his players claimed were the lessons they gained about a bigger game. “You changed my life, Coach” were the words of underdog quarterback Vince Howard, who knew he’d be dead or in jail without the strength and belief of his mentor.
These are the points that really matter on the scoreboard of life. The banners fray, the trophies tarnish, the state championship ring is lost….But the value of working together, rising above criticism, facing our demons both on and off the field–these are the goals of winning in the daily grind of life–where the strongest muscles we build are discovered in our commitment to bringing out the best in each other.
“Clear eyes, full hearts–can’t lose.”
Now that’s a WIN-WIN.
Posted by Sandra Clifton on Mar 17, 2011 in
Emotional Literacy,
Student Success Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with another educational consultant who was confused about “what I do.” Combining sixteen years of teaching experience in the classroom with professional life coaching and creating a learning center, based on the tools I learned as a Master Trainer in Emotional Literacy at Yale University, might seem like a convoluted picture….
On reflection, I remember a similar reaction from people when I talked about some of the magical moments that happened as a “traditional teacher” in my classroom. Here a few examples of the responses I sometimes received: “You give stickers—to seniors—?!” and “Yeah, but—what applicable skills are students learning about the real world through reading poetry ?” and “How can writing a personal letter to Ponyboy Curtis from The Outsiders seriously help students stay motivated at school ?”
Although I was often daunted by how to respond to these inquiries (or perhaps accusations—) what I know is that my students (many who have gone on extremely rewarding professional and personal paths) always asserted that I was a tough teacher and that they learned a lot—my standards were extremely high—but most of them also spoke about how much fun we had together in the journey of learning. And that’s the kind of culture I’m creating at my little Corner of the world now…because most of the joy in education has been lost in the effort to prove and to perform….Which is one reason why I left my school straight-jacket, and takes us back to the original issue—”What exactly is academic coaching?”
When I think of all the wonderful ways to respond to this question—to someone who really has the time to listen—I probably need to think about writing a book on the topic. But for now I want to bring in additional voice to offer someone else’s definition, another certified professional coach who provides perspective on a particular niche of this profession called ADD Coaching:
“What is ADD Coaching? Can an ADHD coach help you or someone in your family? Coaching is defined by the International Coach Federation as ‘partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.’ ADHD coaching employs a special skill set to empower persons impacted by ADHD to manage their attention, hyperactivity, and impulse control.
An ADHD coach could be described as a well-trained, professional ‘best friend’ who totally believes in you. Even if all you can see is what’s not working in your life, your coach sees what is working, what’s good, and what’s possible for you. Your ADHD coach can help you understand your unique brain wiring, your strengths, and how you can use that knowledge to your great advantage, unlocking extraordinary potential.
The time you spend with your coach is all about you. Your coach will provide a safe and nurturing environment, listening to and hearing your concerns. Your coach will help you understand and support your treatment program and save you precious time and wasted energy. Your coach listens to your troubles and concerns and then supports you in finding your own unique solutions. Your conversations together will be supportive, not judgmental. Your coach is a collaborative partner who will help you learn to minimize and/or manage weak areas so that you can focus on what you’re good at and what you’re passionate about. You will cover topics that include health, education, life skills, tools and strategies and ways to keep on track. An ADHD coach will help you design your life to be one which will give you satisfaction, variety, and success. Your ADHD coach can help you overcome the frustration, confusion, and discouragement you may have felt around your ADHD and, with understanding and appreciation, support you in designing a new life of possibilities and potential.” -written by Susan Macintosh, ADHD Coaches Organization
