Quadrants in “Clifton Communication”

On Wednesday evening, I shifted gears from a monthly conference call of “The Academic Edge:  Inspiring Athletes to WIN in the Classroom!”  Instead of expecting kids to attend more “classes” after a long day of school, I am now offering a free monthly seminar called “Clifton Coaching:  Sharing the Tools of Social & Emotional Intelligence”  for parents, educators and other interested professionals.  This month’s theme is COMMUNICATION, such an important tool for daily happiness.  To add important texture to this topic, I interviewed Rev. Thomas Clifton, my one and only father—a minister,  former seminary president, and master facilitator.   My dad has served in country churches, for university congregations, and in urban communities; he has worked with youth and the aged; and he’s currently “on call” for sudden emergencies that may occur in the life of a religious organization.

One of the facets of our conversation this past Wednesday night was that we all have different “preferences” of communication that connect with our personality strengths.  This angle of our discussion reminded me of the Myers-Briggs assessment, a terrific tool that I use at the Clifton Corner in the form of the MMTIC, which is specialized for 2nd-12th graders.  It identifies students’ learning profile and social style, and provides effective suggestions for studying, focusing, and communicating with teachers/parents.  It’s a wonderful way to promote social growth and self-awareness.

Dr. Clifton (aka, my dad) shared a tool for understanding different styles of communicating called “The Herrmann Brain Dominance Model,” which looks like this:

Dad and I tend to land in Quadrant “C,” but I also have some very dominant tendencies in “D” as well….and it’s my personal theory that we each have at least one trait in each of the four quadrants.  For example, I’m a Problem Solver with students and tend to be an Analyzer—especially when I’m teaching critical thinking skills—and these tendencies are in Quadrant A.  In addition, I have to be a Planner, Organizational, and Administrative in my role as a small-business owner:  communication styles in Quadrant B.  However, my favorite ways to teach are through singing, imaginative lyrics, and some fun dance moves too.  You can see why I love GLEE and how I didn’t fit as an educator in a traditional school!

It’s so interesting that my dad highlighted this one tool during our conversation together, because of course it connects with Social and Emotional Intelligence and Daniel Pink’s idea of whole-brain learning!  To see the awesome resources that have developed from this tool, you can visit the Herrmann website and discover all kinds of ways to understand this innovative approach to communication, learning, and both professional/personal success.  Think this is a bunch of feel-good, warm-fuzzy hooey?  Take a look at some of Hermann International’s clients:

I’m excited to explore opportunities to incorporate this important tool of communication in sessions with my students and their families.  In the meantime, if you’d like to hear the Corner Conversation with my dad and me this week, look for it to be posted soon in Seminars, under “Clifton Coaching Calls,” on my website (www.cliftoncorner.com).

A Report Card on Stress

A recent study published in Scientific American Mind reports that, “On average, people get a grade of F when it comes to managing the inevitable stress they face in their lives.”  Harvard researcher Robert Epstein surveyed over 3,000 people (10-86 yrs) and discovered that the average score on basic stress management was 55.3%.  Obviously, being able to balance conflicting demands in our lives is a survival skill that deserves attention from middle school through adulthood, and the ability to manage stress is a key component of social and emotional intelligence.

Despite increasing attention on Social & Emotional Learning, only 17% of us actually receive official training for dealing with the constant sources of stress in our ever-changing lives.  However, there is hope!  Epstein explains that there are four main ways to improve our “stress score” each day:

1) Relaxation:  yoga, meditation, breathing, prayer

2) Source-of-stress management:  reducing sources of chaos & conflict

3) Thought Management:  re-framing events with new thoughts—therapy & coaching

4) Prevention:  planning ahead with supportive systems of organization

Epstein was surprised to discover that of the strategies listed above, the most effective approach is prevention.  “Taking a deep breath or counting to 10 when you are stressed is all well and good, but you will be much happier in the long run if you can find ways to avoid the situations that make you feel stressed in the first place.”  As an educational consultant, one of the first steps in my sessions with students is to sit at the table together and assess the various demands in their complicated schedules each week.  Then we prioritize activities and assignments to make a plan for how to best address each project, paper, and presentation.  One of my clients last night asked, “I came here to send an email ?” but that one note to a teacher was the result of over twenty minutes review of his very full week midst basketball try-outs, a chemistry report, two exams, and a band performance at the NYC Marathon to recognize that scheduling an appointment after school with his math teacher before a big test might have been the best move my client could have made…

Would you like to learn more and find out your own score?  Visit the online test at http://MyStressManagementSkills.com and see what you think.  You might even take this assessment with the whole family.  While it might feel daunting to have a low score on stress management, reaching out for help takes courage and is a key move in the right direction.  Brene Brown, PhD, writes that “Believing that we truly do have the ability to create change in our lives may seem difficult, or even impossible, at first, but it is one of the most empowering steps along the path to developing resilience.”  While stress is not something we can always control, building an inner core of confidence to face life’s adversities is one of the core competencies we build every day at the Clifton Corner!

The Speyer Legacy School, K-8

On this rainy morning in autumn, I attended the Speyer Legacy School Breakfast, on 15 West 86th Street, in Manhattan—right off the B/C train, near Central Park and the American Museum of Natural History.  Right from the start, I was warmed by the friendly smiles of the host parents in the “makeshift gym” and encouraged by the introductory remarks provided by Richard Barter, former Head of Collegiate.  Interestingly enough, when I researched this Speyer Trustee, I discovered an article about my former employer, Prep for Prep—a program for gifted minority students…and wasn’t surprised, as the theme of this day was one of interconnectedness.  Speyer Legacy is currently the only independent school in New York City serving “advanced learners” and its doors opened in 2009 to rave reviews.

Mr. Barter immediately caught my attention with his reference to Thomas Friedman, who I’d heard on NPR live from Boston last week.  I was very impressed with Freidman’s perspective on global education, and one of my favorite quotes from the program “On Point” was, “It’s never been harder to find a job…It’s never been easier to INVENT a career” along with, “Ninety percent of jobs are not outsourced to China—they are outsourced to the past.”  This morning, Mr. Barter talked about creating a curriculum for gifted learners and piqued my interest with the fact that 50% of Speyer Legacy “scholars” receive some kind of tuition assistance.  Indeed, this and other references to our country’s destiny and a sense of democracy permeated the discussion.

There are some wonderful words that surfaced from speakers today:  creating, collaborating, conversing, committed, passion, and magic.  One parent, Mica Vanterpool, explained that at Speyer, the school “celebrates intellect and integrity” and about that time I realized the name of the school is pronounced like (in)spire.  In fact, the June 2011 newsletter, “The Legacy,” highlighted an “IN-SPEYERED EVENING,” a nice play on words.

What I learned from the initial overview from Head of School, Connie Williams-Coulianos (as documented by the U.S. Dept of Ed in 1993 in the report, National Excellence: A Case for Developing America’s Talent) is that only two pennies out of each $100 are spent on elementary and secondary education for gifted and talented children in America.  As a result, intellectually gifted students can “experience underachievement, perfectionism, procrastination, and stress.  Certain types of depression may be more common among gifted learners, and these children may even face a higher risk of suicide” (as reported by Daniel Brewer, Chief Advancement Officer: dbrewer@speyerlegacyschool.org).  Speyer Legacy is a direct response to this gap in our attention on “advanced learners” and seeks to provide:

*specifically-trained teachers who embody lifelong scholarship

*a challenging curriculum, regardless of age, in accelerated/enriched learning

*reflective, analytical skills with social/emotional development

*a global view of interdependence and participation with a “sister school’ in Kenya, Africa

*student “voice” in curriculum decisions and directions

I was impressed to see these ideals embodied in the actual classroom activities—one teacher discussed with students how the leaves they created were made with “the same materials” but that each is actually unique and different; another instructor led a thoughtful class meeting about a recent situation of bullying.  I noticed a “Class Contract” on one of the walls (a practice we taught when I was a Program Coach for Emotional Literacy with Yale University) and heard another student echo, “I’m A Work-in-Progress!” several times, almost like a mantra.  I also caught a glimpse of one of my favorite books (which I taught to 6th graders at the Professional Children’s School), Walk Two Moons, by Sharon Creech, and was touched by the unique artistic angles of self-portraits displayed above a 4th grade chalkboard.

I have to compliment The Speyer Legacy School for the outreach, enthusiasm, and professionalism modeled today, on this grey morning in October.  A prestigious school on the Upper East Side (which will not be named at this time) would not even let me in the front door to visit with an admissions person or introduce myself—an experience I will never forget.  Speyer Legacy is fueled by the vision to change the world we live in through inspiring and supporting gifted learners—and these educational visionaries believe it is advanced learners who will become our future leaders.  Perhaps my one concern I felt about Speyer Legacy is the definition of a “gifted” kid.  At my learning center, I express that part of my mission is educating students (and others) that, because the brain is built with multiple angles of intelligence, each of us is gifted.  Upon reading every word of their materials, I could not uncover more information about how “advanced learners” are identified.  Ms. Williams-Coulianos, in an interview with New York Family, explained that “We view the results of standardized tests as only one source of information to be considered in conjunction with information from other sources” but those are not yet clear to me.  As an educator who is fairly anti-IQ assessments and instead promotes SEDL (Social and Emotional Developmental Learning) and supports the Highly Sensitive Student, I applaud the effort of Speyer to “require thoughtful attention to…social/emotion development because of heightened sensitivity and vulnerability in settings where their usual cognitive profiles are misunderstood.”  Certainly, there are perhaps no words more important on an educational document than Speyer’s acknowledgement that “The life of the mind is inextricably connected with the life of the heart.”

In full-circle serendipity, I felt a jolt when returning to Brooklyn on the C-train while reading an article in the Education section of The New York Times called “School for the Gifted, and Only the Gifted.”  In it, I discovered that one of the “high-powered mothers” who helped to launch this very school (along with educational philanthropist, Dr. Kelly Posner Gerstenhaber—) is Malena Belafonte, daughter-in-law of the singer Harry Belafonte…As I got ready for this breakfast this morning, I listened to an interview on NPR about this star, who—instead of attending class—was a janitor, mopping floors like Charlie Chaplin.  Like 20% of gifted students across the nation, this young man was a Harlem high school dropout who found his way to the stage through a free ticket—and was moved by the special silence he heard in the audience.  Ironically, I’m just not sure that this Civil Rights activist or vocal artist would be identified as an “advanced learner” by an organization like Prep for Prep or a school like Speyer Legacy.  We can only hope that the vision that I glimpsed today is just the beginning of a whole new way of educating—and learning…for all.

The ‘WE’ Project

The “WE” Project

“It’s not that I’m so smart,
it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”
~Albert Einstein

Emotional Literacy–Through Poetry…

I want to share an example of Emotional Literacy–through poetry….This piece is by my client, Jane Schechter, who is a rising 8th grader this fall.  We’re working on a portfolio that is exploring her many gifts, which I’ve called “The We Project.”  This poem helped Jane explore feelings from the past year, so that she can embrace a new tomorrow.  My assignment was to write a poem with the title, “The Darkest Day.”

Together.

I’ve decided to add my monthly “Clifton Comments” from the Cornerstone newsletter.  Here are my thoughts for July 2011:

Together.

What is “academic coaching”?!

Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with another educational consultant who was confused about “what I do.”  Combining sixteen years of teaching experience in the classroom with professional life coaching and creating a learning center, based on the tools I learned as a Master Trainer in Emotional Literacy at Yale University, might seem like a convoluted picture….

On reflection, I remember a similar reaction from people when I talked about some of the magical moments that happened as a “traditional teacher” in my classroom.  Here a few examples of the responses I sometimes received:  “You give stickers—to seniors—?!” and “Yeah, but—what applicable skills are students learning about the real world through reading poetry ?” and “How can writing a personal letter to Ponyboy Curtis from The Outsiders seriously help students stay motivated at school ?”

Although I was often daunted by how to respond to these inquiries (or perhaps accusations—) what I know is that my students (many who have gone on extremely rewarding professional and personal paths) always asserted that I was a tough teacher and that they learned a lot—my standards were extremely high—but most of them also spoke about how much fun we had together in the journey of learning.  And that’s the kind of culture I’m creating at my little Corner of the world now…because most of the joy in education has been lost in the effort to prove and to perform….Which is one reason why I left my school straight-jacket, and takes us back to the original issue—”What exactly is academic coaching?”

When I think of all the wonderful ways to respond to this question—to someone who really has the time to listen—I probably need to think about writing a book on the topic.  But for now I want to bring in additional voice to offer someone else’s definition, another certified professional coach who provides perspective on a particular niche of this profession called ADD Coaching:

“What is ADD Coaching?  Can an ADHD coach help you or someone in your family?  Coaching is defined by the International Coach Federation as ‘partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.’  ADHD coaching employs a special skill set to empower persons impacted by ADHD to manage their attention, hyperactivity, and impulse control.

An ADHD coach could be described as a well-trained, professional ‘best friend’ who totally believes in you.  Even if all you can see is what’s not working in your life, your coach sees what is working, what’s good, and what’s possible for you.  Your ADHD coach can help you understand your unique brain wiring, your strengths, and how you can use that knowledge to your great advantage, unlocking extraordinary potential.

The time you spend with your coach is all about you.  Your coach will provide a safe and nurturing environment, listening to and hearing your concerns.  Your coach will help you understand and support your treatment program and save you precious time and wasted energy.  Your coach listens to your troubles and concerns and then supports you in finding your own unique solutions. Your conversations together will be supportive, not judgmental.  Your coach is a collaborative partner who will help you learn to minimize and/or manage weak areas so that you can focus on what you’re good at and what you’re passionate about.  You will cover topics that include health, education, life skills, tools and strategies and ways to keep on track.  An ADHD coach will help you design your life to be one which will give you satisfaction, variety, and success.  Your ADHD coach can help you overcome the frustration, confusion, and discouragement you may have felt around your ADHD and, with understanding and appreciation, support you in designing a new life of possibilities and potential.”  -written by Susan Macintosh, ADHD Coaches Organization

Recognizing Our Role in Preventing Bullies

There is perhaps no greater fear for a parent than the idea that his or her child will be bullied.  Unfortunately, incidents of bullying in schools across the country have become increasingly common—but the good news is that we as a society have become better at recognizing this problem, as reported in the New York Times article, “There’s Only One Way to Stop a Bully,” by Susan Engel and Marlene Sandstrom.

Bullying took center stage this past spring when Phoebe Prince, from South Hadley, Massachusetts, ended her own life.  This tragic event instigated anti-bullying laws in all but six states across the country and emphasized the importance of improving Emotional Literacy in schools.  As defined in earlier posts, Emotional Literacy is the process of understanding how feelings impact intellectual and social development in children, and identifying how these emotions continue to affect every interaction of our adult lives.

According to Dr. Marc Brackett, my teacher and mentor for the past two years, recognizing conflicted feelings is the first step in teaching Emotional Literacy, as developed in his RULER© curriculum through the core steps of  Recognizing, Understanding, Labeling, Expressing and Regulating emotions.  Building on the first step of Emotional Literacy, researchers Engel and Sandstrom reflect in their July 22^nd article that “It’s important, first, to recognize that while cell phones and the Internet have made bullying more anonymous and unsupervised, there is little evidence that children are meaner than they used to be. Indeed, there is ample research — not to mention plenty of novels and memoirs — about how children have always victimized one another in large and small ways, how often they are oblivious to the rights and feelings of others and how rarely they defend a victim.”  What we must address now is the truth of this universal tendency to single-out others and work together to prevent both the incidents and intensity of bullying in educational settings.

Perhaps what is most troubling is not that young people are misguided in their treatment of each other, but that we as adults do so little to intervene when insensitivity and abuse erupts.  The values more often emphasized in school are focused on achievement—grades, intellectual rigor, competitive edge… especially in a city like New York.  Only when a young person like Phoebe Prince takes her life do we step back to consider the pressure of a SAT score or how the mark on an AP exam might really translate to teens….that their abilities can be quantified, and that we are modeling for children that scores can and do rank a student’s worth:  “…in American curriculums, a growing emphasis on standardized test scores as the primary measure of ‘successful’ schools has crowded out what should be an essential criterion for well-educated students: a sense of responsibility for the well-being of others” (Engel & Sandstrom).

Engel and Sandstrom identify that, while anti-bullying laws are a step in the right direction, their studies of child development conclude that it is really through teaching Emotional Literacy that we will change our culture of insensitivity:  “As an essential part of the school curriculum, we have to teach children how to be good to one another, how to cooperate, how to defend someone who is being picked on and how to stand up for what is right.”  We as a culture must recognize not just when abuse is happening but to teach pro-active models of kindness and compassion—in math class, through stories in literature, in an approach to scientific research, through our exploration of history, on the playground, football field, and in the very corridors of our hearts.

Luckily, there are wonderful resources now available through the Committee for Children (http://community.cfchildren.org/home) and the Pacer Center (http://www.pacer.org/bullying), which have designated October as “National Bullying Prevention Month.” Through their websites, you can sign petitions, research the latest anti-bullying laws (“Steps to Respect”), order a free anti-bullying DVD (http://www.tolerance.org/bullied), and access valuable information about how to become an active voice in your immediate community that makes a difference in recognizing and preventing bullies.

Emotional Literacy

Worried that test scores and grades seem to label and limit the future potential of your daughter or son?  Be reassured:

“One of psychology’s open secrets is the relative inability of grades, IQ, or SAT scores, despite their popular mystiques, to predict unerringly who will succeed in life…There are widespread exceptions to the rule that IQ predicts success—many (or more) exceptions than cases that fit the rule.  At best, IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80 percent to other forces” writes Daniel Goleman in his book, Working with Emotional Intelligence, [this excerpt quoted from the publication, LILIPOH, Spring 2009 Edition].

What are these other forces?  Social/Emotional Intelligence is a factor that more and more educators are starting to recognize as a significant indicator, not only for individual achievement but for school-wide success.  As a Program Coach for Emotional Literacy at Yale University, I am seeing results in classrooms of the Brooklyn Catholic Schools that are a testament to this research.   Through coaching ten teachers during the past school year, I’ve heard amazing results about how the curriculum of Emotional Literacy is able to transform disengaged and/or disinterested students into class leaders and achievers.

You may have a son or daughter who has a wonderful way of including other kids or taking a stand—but is frustrated and downhearted that these gifts are not recognized on the Honor Roll or during Achievement Night.  Please don’t underestimate the skill your child is directly demonstrating each and every day:  a type of intelligence that is valued on college campuses,  heavily considered for many prestigious scholarships, and sought by corporations with highly-prized internships. Social and emotional intelligence is actually often the ‘tipping point’ between the student with a stellar SAT score but mediocre faculty evaluations and the kid (Yours!) who didn’t perform as well on a standardized test but won rave reviews from his teacher recommendations.  For example, on a recent parent-post through a Yahoo group, I read again how The Beacon School in New York City uses grades and test scores as a starting place for considering student applications but that the personal portfolio and interview are even more strongly weighed for admission.  Being able to communicate effectively with an administrator during a school visit is what can—and often does—”seal the deal.”  The skills used during this discussion?  You got it:  emotional and social ones.

So fuel the long-term vision about the gifts of Your Unique Kid, and then find a way to recognize these contributions now—don’t expect an outside source or organization to take the lead!  You may want to design a special “Family Day” to honor their consistent  investment in emotional and social intelligence or create a space on your family bulletin board to highlight when and how your child is shaping the world.  Don’t underestimate the power of this recognition—I have a simple white board in my tutoring studio where kids can fill out a star or heart when they’ve accomplished a daunting task and they love posting this symbol for everyone to see.

For more discussion about these ideas and a glimpse of “My Honor Roll,” check out www.cliftoncorner.com and view the June Cornerstone through the menu link called “Currently at the Corner.”

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“There can be no knowledge without emotion.  We may be aware of a truth, yet until we have felt its force, it is not ours.  To the cognition of the brain must be added the experience of the soul.”

–Arnold Bennett, Britist critic & essayist, 1867-1931