Posted by Sandra Clifton on Feb 25, 2012 in
Emotional Literacy Just yesterday, I was subbing again at my favorite school in Brooklyn Heights, and of course the teenagers in my classes heard some infamous phrases like, “We don’t say that in here–” and “Let’s practice Clifton Kindness!” As a former English and speech teacher, I constantly taught the power of language—on a variety of levels…And there are two important channels of communication that are extremely strong: what we say to others and what we say to ourselves.
Kids need modeling to hear how to communicate effectively and positively with both others and themselves. I overheard one of my students yesterday say, “I’m SO stupid!” and immediately interrupted this hurtful tirade with, “I’d like to hear you say, ‘Gosh, I’m investing my best today, because I’m a work-in-progress!’ Your inner critic needs to be disciplined!” She looked right into my eyes, smiled and said, “Miss Clifton, you are so right!” I love it when that happens. 
Amy Spencer, author of Bright Side Up: 100 Ways to Be Happier Right Now, offers some wonderful video-support for this effort called “Why Are My Kids So Negative?” and the culture of ‘communication kindness’ that can be created in families.
Enjoy the link, and let me know how it goes as you grow a language of love with the kids in your life–! If you’d like some help to nurture better self-talk in your home, please contact me about a new program, “The Happiness Circle: Social & Emotional Support for Middle School Girls!” It starts Monday, March 5th at the Clifton Corner, and we’d love for your daughter to join us!
Posted by Sandra Clifton on Feb 23, 2012 in
Academic Coaching As a member of NCTE (the National Council of Teachers of English) I receive updates about news in the classroom, and I’m not a bit surprised to learn that the work I did for my Master’s degree under Benjamin Nelms, then editor of The English Journal, is now vogue again…
What we studied as grad students at the University of Missouri was the process of writing (it’s not a one-time effort by any stretch of the imagination, whether you’re a professional author or struggling student—) and the integrated tango of reading and writing. You see, writing is discovery and reading is participation on the page….and I fundamentally believe in both theories, because I practiced teaching them for over 16 years every day in the classroom—and I saw what could happen when both “thinking activities” become a vibrant part of a kid’s adventure at school.
It’s my humble opinion that reading and writing strengthen each other because they represent both sides of the brain: the logical, linear, left-to-write process of writing and the imaginative, right-brained door of creation that dances in fiction. If both sides of our beautiful brain are actively employed and appreciated, students strengthen the mental muscle of their mind in a holistic way—much like the building of both a bicep and a tricep.
NCTE has recently revisited this intricate dance in their report and reaffirmed the delicate and definite connection between valuable writing and deep, close reading. They assert once again that “discipline-based instruction in reading and writing enhances student achievement in all subjects.” That’s a key concept to remember when we think about time to read and the creative space to write…Nancy Patterson, in Voices from the Middle, highlights this process, saying, ” If the whole idea behind English language arts classes is to foster a love of reading and a thirst for human experience and ideas represented through text, then we have to think critically about not only the kinds of reading our students do, but also the kinds of writing they do.”
You can delve deeper into this discussion by reading this article by Lori Mayo, “Making the Connection: Reading and Writing Together,” or call me personally—I’m happy to explore how we can help your son or daughter ENGAGE ON THE PAGE….whether it’s through writing and/or reading!
Posted by Sandra Clifton on Feb 23, 2012 in
Student Success The Dow on Wall Street fluctuates daily, but when a teacher gets this in the mail,
her stocks go way up—forever:
“Dear Ms. Clifton,
I hope you’re doing well in Park Slope! Just wanted to thank you for all the support you’ve given me. If it weren’t for you, I probably never would have wound up at *** College or have had the chance to spend a year in China.
Thanks so much!”
-A Corner Kid
I worked with this student from sophomore year at an independent school in Brooklyn into freshman year of college on many angles of growth—from written expression/organization, note taking and test preparation to time management, self-esteem and motivation—and couldn’t be more proud of his authentic engagement, not just in academics, but as a citizen of the world!
I wouldn’t trade this journey for all the tea in China!
Posted by Sandra Clifton on Feb 21, 2012 in
Academic Coaching Here is a reflection from a 4th grader I coached this year.
In order to honor the authenticity of this piece, I have not made any grammatical corrections:
“You should go to the Clifton Corner because you can learn many things. You can learn many things for example how to draw a non-vilont picture. And how to be nicer because I was telling people to go away when they were trying to help me. And how to put my hand on the paper because It would slip away when I didn’t know that. I also learnd how to pay attention in class because I wassent paying attention before. I also learned how to read better because I used to be spaceing out. As you can see, I leared many things from the Clifton Corner and Sandra Clifton!”
Posted by Sandra Clifton on Feb 16, 2012 in
Cornerstone Column Here’s the Cornerstone column from January—which got a lot of positive comments! Etiquette is an integral part of Social & Emotional Intelligence that is crucial to our well-being in this global society. Let’s all help improve the air that we share~!
Please Curb Your Dog
(aka, I Stand on Ceremony)
On a chilly Saturday–the first one in January–I was enjoying the luxury of a day away from the office and unexpectedly bumped into my old doctor, her five year old daughter, and visiting mother. It was a serendipitous and stolen moment….the kind I treasure. In the midst of this reunion and introductions, we unknowingly lingered on the sidewalk together–and, I guess, caused a bit of a traffic jam….
Now, usually when I enter the ‘urban jungle’ of the subway, or the streets of Manhattan, or any commercial center, I am ready with my usual etiquette of armor to practice the tools of patience and fortitude. I know that I’m going to be jostled, that I’ll need to side-step, that it’s important to accommodate and apologize for the little space that we navigate in this crowded city–and especially not to take anything personally. But on this particular afternoon just after the holidays, I was caught off-guard–perhaps because I’d just returned from the less pressured streets of Pittsburgh, reminded of store clerks who smile and look in your eyes, and big open aisles…
At any rate–midst my hug, I heard a voice cut through the afternoon air with an acid accusation hurled like an unexpected snowball. It sounded something like, “GREAT! Just totally block the sidewalk and not give a care, why DON’T you?!” Now, usually I would turn red, apologize, feel awful, and side-step quickly. But for some reason, an energy in me rose up and roared. Perhaps it’s because I’ve spent the last twelve weeks in a class on shame resilience–I don’t exactly know. But for some reason, I snapped. Yup. Right there on the streets of my cozy neighborhood, I whipped my head and yelled into the icy air, “Yes! This time we are the ones in the way!” My friend blinked in disbelief. I was a little shocked myself. We did scoot to a side corner to conclude our rendezvous, and I nervously joked about developing a “Brooklyn Backbone” since our last meeting. But the moment had jolted both of us.
As a coach certified in Emotional Intelligence, I’ve been well-trained to reflect on my behavior and evaluate just about every angle of my interactions…so I wondered how I’d been triggered on this lovely Saturday of lazy laundry and easy errands. Why hadn’t I been able to take a “meta-moment,” the technique I learned through my training at Yale in Social & Emotional Learning? This “anchor” of Emotional Literacy helps us to wait a split second before responding–and allows individuals to rise above a reptilian reaction of “fight or flight” to tap into a more evolved part of the brain. Despite a daily practice of mindfulness (and frequent yoga classes!) I had failed to circumvent the animal inside: when someone bit, I had barked back this time. To put it bluntly, I had not curbed my dog. What a way to start 2012, right?
But instead of shifting into shame, I took a moment to explore a deeper issue underneath this split-second social interaction….You see, while I do accept responsibility for my sharp reply, each of us is a kind of PBS: Personal Broadcasting Station. And while I can usually filter (and even ignore) negative stimuli, it was obvious that this particular comment had registered beyond typical ‘public pollution’ to the scale of totally toxic.
And here’s why: I hadn’t cut in line, or honked my car horn, or run a red light….What I had done was gotten lost in giving someone a hug. Although inappropriate and unplanned, my animal anger had come from a primal need to reach out to someone in my tribe. This time, instead of apologizing, I stand on ceremony–of sacred connections and common courtesy…And I write tonight to encourage each of us to acknowledge our shared tapestry….to allow our fellow creatures the opportunity to get lost in a moment of remembered relationship. To make some space on the sidewalk for grown women to hug, for little children to skip, for distracted teenagers to giggle and gawk without a clear direction or decided destination….
As we enter a new year, I renew my responsibility to be a positive PBS, and want to challenge each of us to try three additional actions: Pause, Breathe, and Smile. You never know what kind of moment you’re encountering. Maybe that doctor saved my life. What I do know is that she deserved that crowd-stopping hug.
So as we walk through 2012 together, may we each make an effort to curb our inner animal and create some space on the sidewalk of life–for simple ceremonies and uncommon kindness. It just might be the best detour you take this year.
I’m a little behind posting the last Cornerstone of the year from December, but as Valentine’s Day approaches, I want to share it here as a Love Note to My Students…Every February in Lawson, Missouri, I taught Romeo & Juliet, and always ended the unit by asking, “What would have happened in this story if Romeo had waited JUST ONE MINUTE?”
Your story is just beginning….
Stand…and Swing–!
This is the latest edition of the Cornerstone I’ve ever written, but in the midst of trying to compose my column in the “11th Hour,” I’ve realized that it’s actually quite timely, as that’s exactly what I want to talk about as we end 2011…Because of all the events that occurred this past year—midst earthquakes and Irene and economic struggles—there is a story of “
The Little Team That Could–At the Very Last Minute“…..I know it must seem strange in the depths of winter to be talking about baseball, but this past fall,
the St. Louis Cardinals offered one of the strongest examples of fortitude and faith I’ve ever seen….My dad grew up in a tiny town in Missouri called Crystal City, and I’ve been a Cards fan by default since I was a little girl. Whether we lived in Ohio or North Carolina, Indiana or Upstate New York, my dad would turn on the radio in our station wagon and the scratchy static of the announcer would reach us with the crack of a bat hitting a ball in some stadium far away. My dad would tilt his head and ask: “Do you know what that sound is?” I’d dutifully answer, “Yes, Dad.” And he’d chant, “That’s the sound of the St. Louis Cardinals—the greatest team in baseball.”I’d smile and agree—it was better than losing my ride!But last summer, my dad was down n’ out about our home team. We met at Ocean Isle, NC, for a week at the beach, and each morning when I got up, Dad would make coffee while I checked scores on my Blackberry. I guess some people follow stocks—but my dad’s lifetime investment is this team, and I learned that we were “behind” by twelve games….a deadly deficit.
Any hope of making the playoffs was just a forgotten dream. But this is right where I wanted our team. All week I’d chant to my dad, “This is actually great! We don’t want the Cards to peak in August—we want them to hit their zenith in October!” He’d look at me like I was a girl who didn’t understand the intricacy of sports.And I don’t, really….but somehow, the St. Louis Cardinals did come back. Not with a roar, exactly (although Albert Pujols is a force of nature—) but with a steady focus on each next swing…I won’t detail the string of stats along the way, but what I will say is that
no one—not even my dedicated dad—quite believed the St. Louis Cardinals could win the World Series after such a losing season. Yet each game was like an answered prayer as the Cardinals somehow squeaked by to stay standing in September. And then they serendipitously ended up in the playoffs….and miraculously kept swinging into Game 6 of the World Series.If you follow baseball at all, you will know that something happened on October 28th, 2011, that will be remembered in sports forever. At the bottom of the 9th with two outs, David Freese hit a triple to tie the game—! But then we faced another inevitable ending: in the 11th inning with two strikes, we were down again to our last out. Despite all their effort, in one more instant, the Texas Rangers would celebrate victory.
But a baseball player from Missouri stood at bat in the dark night and believed that what he did next could still count. Somehow, #23 erased every error from his mind and cleared his heart for the only thing he had left: one final swing.
And guess what? You know when people say, “You only need one.” It could be a college acceptance. It could be a job interview. It could be a partner. It could be a publisher. It could be a chance. Well, David Freese knew deep in his bones that he only really needed one. And it was a homerun.
A swing that changed history.
The next day, Dave Sheinin wrote, “You cannot kill the St. Louis Cardinals. If they are down to their last game, they will win it. If they are down to their last out, they will redeem it. If they are down to their last strike, you’d better paint the corner and pray.”
Why is this story important for us today? Because it just might be the 11th hour in your 11th inning. You might be down to your last out. Perhaps the “opposing team” is already chilling the champagne. The reporters could be ready to put the story to print, with your losing score on the board. Maybe even your biggest fan has left the stadium or turned off the TV. It’s just you at bat. With more one out.
But I challenge you to believe. It only takes one player, one chance, one swing….to change everything.
Like life, the 2011World Series wasn’t about a perfect season. The Cardinals lost—they lost a lot. They faced errors and injuries. They encountered critics and conflicts. But in the end, what this team did together was to stay standing when all the chips were down and claim, “This one is mine. I still see possibility. I will face the darkness. And I will swing—with everything.”
As we end a year of ups and downs, of sudden victories and deep disappointments—I challenge you to remember this story about baseball and belief….to renew your vision, to claim your potential, and to never ever give up.
Because You are The One: the Only One like you ever created. And I believe that you will win—if you just keep swinging.
